FOCUSED PURPOSE

focusedpurpose has moved...follow me

hi all-

i just wanted to let you know that i have moved to http://focusedpurpose.blogspot.com/.  please join me there as i  continue to use my gift of the written word.  i look forward to seeing you there.

abundant blessings to all!

M...my thoughts...i love you

M-

You have been my best friend for years now.  I have grown to love you and your children.  You are my chosen family and closer, in more ways than proximity, to me than my God given family.

It has been a minute since we last spoke.  Our recent silence has been difficult yet very necessary for my continued growth; as well as yours.  I pray that I can make this clear to you.

I love, accept and respect me.  As such, I set and adhere to certain standards and boundaries in my life.  Integrity and Wisdom mandate that all that are in my circle of influence do the same. 

In love, acceptance, and respect of self; I am able to fully love, accept and respect you.  I know that you are incredibly sensitive.  This makes it harder for me to communicate with you openly and honestly at times.  I don’t want to be the cause of any discomfort to you.  The problem with that is this fact, sometimes growth is accompanied with discomfort or pain.  This is why we call them “growing pains”. 

My sister, I pray that you will take my words in the spirit in which they were written.  You are my friend and I want you to stand in power and claim all of the love, joy, and blessings with which God has gifted you. 

I have watched for years now as you continue to relinquish your power and gifts.  I have watched as you have purchased the table, the food, prepared the bountiful feast, served your guests first, and only saved for yourself the unconsumed crumbs.  I have watched as you have given all of the love you have to someone that has demonstrated a total lack of love for you or your children.  This person has been allowed the unearned privilege of sitting in the guest of honor seat at your feast; when with proper perspective, their consistent behavior has not warranted them even an invite.  This person has seen you struggling and hurting under this burden and refused to change courses and offer love or assistance, as a fellow human being, at the very least.

You may not know this, but I have cried thinking of the message that your daughter is subconsciously cataloging and physically reenacting, already.  As you have shared my son’s views- that he can freely share with you- I have shared your daughter’s views with you.  I gleaned that you misread my vocal sense of urgency as judgment.  Consider if you will the steep price you both are paying as a result of your fear to move forward in faith?

I love you and cannot watch you hurt yourself, silently.  I cannot give you anymore than I have already.  All that you need to move forward victoriously, you possess already.  You are “it”- “it” is not outside of you, “it” is within.  Love, accept, and respect “it”.  “It” will empower you to live fully. 

My sister- I need you.  I feel a void in your absence.  However, our friendship must be healthy; it is a non-negotiable standard for me.  One must be healthy in order to have and be in healthy relationships. 

Please don’t take my absence as abandonment.  I love you and am content to do so from a distance for now.  You should know however, that you are never far from my thoughts and prayers.  I miss the blend of our families, laughter, good food, adventures, and fun. Take care of your business sis!  Some things only you can do.  Do the inner work, and the outer transformation will be a breeze.  I will without hesitation have your back and you my assistance with those things with which I can help.  TrustJ 

SELF LOVE~SELF ACCEPTANCE~SELF RESPECT

Mother

I love my mother.  She is a brilliant and complex woman.  She has survived more than most people could imagine.

In me, she planted the seeds of Truth. 

Experience and Knowledge has fueled and increased my desire for Love, Wisdom, and Understanding.  Wisdom has led me to pray for and exercise Faith. 

Faith gives me Courage.  Courage gives me Purpose.  Purpose makes it impossible to allow myself to be distracted (for long) and Focus is born.  Focus prohibits my complacency, inactivity and silence in the midst of crisis. 

My ability to acknowledge, accept, respect, and fully embrace all of these gifts; lead me back to the seeds of Truth that my mother diligently planted and the consistent sacrifices she made to nurture them.

I am truly blessed and grateful.  Thank you Mother.  I love you.

SELF LOVE~SELF ACCEPTANCE~SELF RESPECT

Sociopath I---stay tuned...plain speak is on the way with Sociopath II...

I have been considering doing this piece for awhile.  I have been hesitant only because as I stated in my initial blog-

“I, like most, would like to be well received and accepted.”

So I have thought and re-thought the idea.  In the last few days I have had a couple of experiences and exchanges that have led me back to my original motivation for blogging in the first place.  In doing so, I remembered the essence or focus; if you will, of my mission. 

“However, more than that, I would like to speak truth into a world of life robbing lies.  One of my favorite quotes is from Audre Lorde- “…and when we speak WE ARE AFRAID our words will not be heard nor welcomed but when we are silent, WE ARE STILL AFRAID so it is BETTER TO SPEAK remembering WE were never meant to survive.”  I want to be afraid to call what is as it is, and do it anyways, always respectfully, with love, in wisdom yet nonetheless. ” 

Having said that, let’s get down to business.

As I look around me, it appears that most of us don’t know what we are dealing with.  We are so distracted; God knows it is a discipline remaining focused in this life and this society particularly.  I am convinced that non-stop distractions are by design.  We as a society are so focused on distracting ourselves, hating ourselves, worshipping ourselves, material gain, and over-consumption---we are not paying attention to those things that are of the utmost importance.

Despite the messages, images, and vicious hateful lies that we as American women of African descent are consistently bombarded with; we must embrace this truth:

Africa is the cradle of civilization.  African women are the mothers of humanity.  Our strength, determination, unique unparalleled beauty, and resilience is expressed fully and symbolized by our DNA coiled hair. 

It is for this reason that the powers that be are tenaciously and unyieldingly assaulting, denigrating, degrading, and destroying the images and humanity of American women and girls of African descent worldwide. 

Know the truth and it shall make you free my sisters.  Love, accept, and respect yourselves and claim your power in the process. 

Sisters, powerfully, knowing what and who you are dealing with is the difference between freedom and oppression.  When you under estimate your opponent you only disadvantage yourself.  Likewise, when your opponent under estimates you, they disadvantage themselves.  Read the following and ask yourself if it sounds like anyone you know?  Individual people?  Collective groups of people? 

 

Profile of the Sociopath

This website summarizes some of the common features of descriptions of the behavior of sociopaths.

• Glibness and Superficial Charm
• Manipulative and Conning
  They never recognize the rights of others and see their self-serving behaviors as permissible. They appear to be charming, yet are covertly hostile and domineering, seeing their victim as merely an instrument to be used. They may dominate and humiliate their victims.
• Grandiose Sense of Self
  Feels entitled to certain things as "their right."
• Pathological Lying
  Has no problem lying coolly and easily and it is almost impossible for them to be truthful on a consistent basis. Can create, and get caught up in, a complex belief about their own powers and abilities. Extremely convincing and even able to pass lie detector tests.
• Lack of Remorse, Shame or Guilt
  A deep seated rage, which is split off and repressed, is at their core. Does not see others around them as people, but only as targets and opportunities. Instead of friends, they have victims and accomplices who end up as victims. The end always justifies the means and they let nothing stand in their way.
• Shallow Emotions
  When they show what seems to be warmth, joy, love and compassion it is more feigned than experienced and serves an ulterior motive. Outraged by insignificant matters, yet remaining unmoved and cold by what would upset a normal person. Since they are not genuine, neither are their promises.
• Incapacity for Love
• Need for Stimulation
  Living on the edge. Verbal outbursts and physical punishments are normal. Promiscuity and gambling are common.
• Callousness/Lack of Empathy
  Unable to empathize with the pain of their victims, having only contempt for others' feelings of distress and readily taking advantage of them.
• Poor Behavioral Controls/Impulsive Nature
  Rage and abuse, alternating with small expressions of love and approval produce an addictive cycle for abuser and abused, as well as creating hopelessness in the victim. Believe they are all-powerful, all-knowing, entitled to every wish, no sense of personal boundaries, no concern for their impact on others.
• Early Behavior Problems/Juvenile Delinquency
  Usually has a history of behavioral and academic difficulties, yet "gets by" by conning others. Problems in making and keeping friends; aberrant behaviors such as cruelty to people or animals, stealing, etc.
• Irresponsibility/Unreliability
  Not concerned about wrecking others' lives and dreams. Oblivious or indifferent to the devastation they cause. Does not accept blame themselves, but blames others, even for acts they obviously committed.
• Promiscuous Sexual Behavior/Infidelity
  Promiscuity, child sexual abuse, rape and sexual acting out of all sorts.
• Lack of Realistic Life Plan/Parasitic Lifestyle
  Tends to move around a lot or makes all encompassing promises for the future, poor work ethic but exploits others effectively.
• Criminal or Entrepreneurial Versatility
  Changes their image as needed to avoid prosecution. Changes life story readily.

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Other Related Qualities:

1. Contemptuous of those who seek to understand them
2. Does not perceive that anything is wrong with them
3. Authoritarian
4. Secretive
5. Paranoid
6. Only rarely in difficulty with the law, but seeks out situations where their tyrannical behavior will be tolerated, condoned, or admired
7. Conventional appearance
8. Goal of enslavement of their victim(s)
9. Exercises despotic control over every aspect of the victim's life
10. Has an emotional need to justify their crimes and therefore needs their victim's affirmation (respect, gratitude and love)
11. Ultimate goal is the creation of a willing victim
12. Incapable of real human attachment to another
13. Unable to feel remorse or guilt
14. Extreme narcissism and grandiose
15. May state readily that their goal is to rule the world

(The above traits are based on the psychopathy checklists of H. Cleckley and R. Hare.)

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NOTE: In the 1830's this disorder was called "moral insanity." By 1900 it was changed to "psychopathic personality." More recently it has been termed "antisocial personality disorder" in the DSM-III and DSM-IV. Some critics have complained that, in the attempt to rely only on 'objective' criteria, the DSM has broadened the concept to include too many individuals. The APD category includes people who commit illegal, immoral or self-serving acts for a variety of reasons and are not necessarily psychopaths.

THE MALIGNANT PERSONALITY:

These people are mentally ill and extremely dangerous! The following precautions will help to protect you from the destructive acts of which they are capable.

First, to recognize them, keep the following guidelines in mind.

(1) They are habitual liars. They seem incapable of either knowing or telling the truth about anything.

(2) They are egotistical to the point of narcissism. They really believe they are set apart from the rest of humanity by some special grace.

(3) They scapegoat; they are incapable of either having the insight or willingness to accept responsibility for anything they do. Whatever the problem, it is always someone else's fault.

(4) They are remorselessly vindictive when thwarted or exposed.

(5) Genuine religious, moral, or other values play no part in their lives. They have no empathy for others and are capable of violence. Under older psychological terminology, they fall into the category of psychopath or sociopath, but unlike the typical psychopath, their behavior is masked by a superficial social facade.

Sisters, I did not make this up.  I am simply sharing it.  Truth is not told, it is realized.  Realize for yourselves the truth that our strength is in our differences.  We need each other!  We have and are everything we need to make the transformation.  The world-our children; need the understanding, courageous, wise, faithful, loving (for self first and then others), healthy, powerful, strong, accepting (for self first and then others) focused, purposeful, self-determined, self-defined, respectful (for self first and then others) glorious, bountifully blessed us.  Look around-all over the world- the message is loud and clear…

SELF LOVE~SELF ACCEPTANCE~SELF RESPECT

Grant Me Patience Lord-But Hurry!

It has been awhile since I have posted; for a host of reasons.

My silence has been mainly, because I have felt more compelled to listen, rather than speak.  My voice has been lifted to thank those who have blessed me with encouragement, inspiration, wisdom and a different perspective.  To you all, I say thank you again.  I pray that in time I will be all to you, and others, that you have been to me.  I love, respect, and honor you all.

In my listening I have learned.  I have been able to challenge my natural inclination to see things a certain way.  Recently, I have questioned myself and reflected on whether my views are idealistic, naïve, and focused in areas that will only lead to disillusionment, disappointment, and ultimately loss of joy.  No really, I am not just being dramatic. Granted, I do have the tendency to be just that, I can freely admit.  Nevertheless, these possibilities have dominated my thoughts.

As a part of the New Year, I have a habit of reflecting and goal setting- not that they always stick- it is my ritual all the same.  It is my practice to evaluate my direction as well as examine my relationships-business, personal, and spiritual.  In doing so this year, I realized that I have been consistently nurturing relationships that are one-sided at best.  Not only have I been doing this, I realize that I have indulged these relationships for years. 

Coming out of 2007, I am happy to report that I have been able to get my love and professional life on track.  Whew!!!  Let me rest in that major victory for a moment.  It thrills me to report this!  It has truly been a long time coming.  I am so thankful.

As I turn my attention to my other relationships, I realize that there are areas that require my attention and a different approach.  I have people in my life that suffer from such chronic self loathing and the side effects that accompany the condition; that my continued love of them drains me.  I find myself exhausted from listening, teaching, loving and straining to be patient.  I will freely admit that I am not, naturally, the most patient person ever created; I find patience to be an excruciating discipline-like dieting and exercisingJ!  I have a refrigerator magnet that pretty much sums it up- “Grant Me Patience Lord- But Hurry”.  Compounding my fatigue with frustration is the realization that when it comes down to it, I find myself alone to deal with whatever my struggles may be.  It is me and Jesus.  Thank God we constitute a majority!  These same friends are nowhere to be found when I need them.  I have other people in my life that have appointed themselves to “reminder” positions much to my utter annoyance.  They remind me of who I used to be consistently.  Ladies, if we are the same at thirty-five that we were at twenty-five, we are suffering from stunted growth.  Don’t let it happen to you.  I am learning to manage my reminders. 

In frustration, I have wanted to shut them all out and start over.  Yes, it’s like that ya’ll sometimes.  But then I shake it off and consider the following:

a)     If I can’t walk in patience and love with my friends, then why on earth should strangers hear me?  How will I ever endure?

b)    Those people in my life that really mean well and are doing the best that they know to do at this point can serve as training ops for me.  Sounds weird, I know.  However, as I have delved into public speaking recently, I have found there is always one child of God that will zap all of your patience in a few misguided sentences.  Therefore I have decided that some of my loved ones will be my trainers and conditioners for just such occasions.  How is that for turning lemons to lemonade?

c)     As I look around me I know this much for sure.  I am needed.  I cannot get frustrated and give up.  There are too many living their lives only for their pleasure without concern for those that have gone before us and are coming after us.  Should I and other like-spirited people like me do the same--- our ancestors and descendents would weep.   I don’t know about anybody else, but I can’t go out like that!  This life is not for the faint of heart.

d)    I have decided to budget my energy.  I will not give until I am drained and depleted.  Instead I will point that person in the direction of great sources of energy, joy, peace, and wisdom for me and urge them to pray for inspiration and enlightenment as to what would be most helpful to them. 

Okay, that is my plan for now.  How does it sound?  I welcome your comments and feedback.

SELF LOVE~SELF ACCEPTANCE~SELF RESPECT