i just wanted to let you know that i have moved to http://focusedpurpose.blogspot.com/. please join me there as i continue to use my gift of the written word. i look forward to seeing you there.
abundant blessings to all!
i just wanted to let you know that i have moved to http://focusedpurpose.blogspot.com/. please join me there as i continue to use my gift of the written word. i look forward to seeing you there.
abundant blessings to all!
You have been my best friend for years now. I have grown to love you and your children. You are my chosen family and closer, in more ways than proximity, to me than my God given family.
It has been a minute since we last spoke. Our recent silence has been difficult yet very necessary for my continued growth; as well as yours. I pray that I can make this clear to you.
I love, accept and respect me. As such, I set and adhere to certain standards and boundaries in my life. Integrity and Wisdom mandate that all that are in my circle of influence do the same.
In love, acceptance, and respect of self; I am able to fully love, accept and respect you. I know that you are incredibly sensitive. This makes it harder for me to communicate with you openly and honestly at times. I don’t want to be the cause of any discomfort to you. The problem with that is this fact, sometimes growth is accompanied with discomfort or pain. This is why we call them “growing pains”.
My sister, I pray that you will take my words in the spirit in which they were written. You are my friend and I want you to stand in power and claim all of the love, joy, and blessings with which God has gifted you.
I have watched for years now as you continue to relinquish your power and gifts. I have watched as you have purchased the table, the food, prepared the bountiful feast, served your guests first, and only saved for yourself the unconsumed crumbs. I have watched as you have given all of the love you have to someone that has demonstrated a total lack of love for you or your children. This person has been allowed the unearned privilege of sitting in the guest of honor seat at your feast; when with proper perspective, their consistent behavior has not warranted them even an invite. This person has seen you struggling and hurting under this burden and refused to change courses and offer love or assistance, as a fellow human being, at the very least.
You may not know this, but I have cried thinking of the message that your daughter is subconsciously cataloging and physically reenacting, already. As you have shared my son’s views- that he can freely share with you- I have shared your daughter’s views with you. I gleaned that you misread my vocal sense of urgency as judgment. Consider if you will the steep price you both are paying as a result of your fear to move forward in faith?
I love you and cannot watch you hurt yourself, silently. I cannot give you anymore than I have already. All that you need to move forward victoriously, you possess already. You are “it”- “it” is not outside of you, “it” is within. Love, accept, and respect “it”. “It” will empower you to live fully.
My sister- I need you. I feel a void in your absence. However, our friendship must be healthy; it is a non-negotiable standard for me. One must be healthy in order to have and be in healthy relationships.
Please don’t take my absence as abandonment. I love you and am content to do so from a distance for now. You should know however, that you are never far from my thoughts and prayers. I miss the blend of our families, laughter, good food, adventures, and fun. Take care of your business sis! Some things only you can do. Do the inner work, and the outer transformation will be a breeze. I will without hesitation have your back and you my assistance with those things with which I can help. TrustJ
SELF LOVE~SELF ACCEPTANCE~SELF RESPECT
I love my mother. She is a brilliant and complex woman. She has survived more than most people could imagine.
In me, she planted the seeds of Truth.
Experience and Knowledge has fueled and increased my desire for Love, Wisdom, and Understanding. Wisdom has led me to pray for and exercise Faith.
Faith gives me Courage. Courage gives me Purpose. Purpose makes it impossible to allow myself to be distracted (for long) and Focus is born. Focus prohibits my complacency, inactivity and silence in the midst of crisis.
My ability to acknowledge, accept, respect, and fully embrace all of these gifts; lead me back to the seeds of Truth that my mother diligently planted and the consistent sacrifices she made to nurture them.
I am truly blessed and grateful. Thank you Mother. I love you.
SELF LOVE~SELF ACCEPTANCE~SELF RESPECT
I have been considering doing this piece for awhile. I have been hesitant only because as I stated in my initial blog-
“I, like most, would like to be well received and accepted.”
So I have thought and re-thought the idea. In the last few days I have had a couple of experiences and exchanges that have led me back to my original motivation for blogging in the first place. In doing so, I remembered the essence or focus; if you will, of my mission.
“However, more than that, I would like to speak truth into a world of life robbing lies. One of my favorite quotes is from Audre Lorde- “…and when we speak WE ARE AFRAID our words will not be heard nor welcomed but when we are silent, WE ARE STILL AFRAID so it is BETTER TO SPEAK remembering WE were never meant to survive.” I want to be afraid to call what is as it is, and do it anyways, always respectfully, with love, in wisdom yet nonetheless. ”
Having said that, let’s get down to business.
As I look around me, it appears that most of us don’t know what we are dealing with. We are so distracted; God knows it is a discipline remaining focused in this life and this society particularly. I am convinced that non-stop distractions are by design. We as a society are so focused on distracting ourselves, hating ourselves, worshipping ourselves, material gain, and over-consumption---we are not paying attention to those things that are of the utmost importance.
Despite the messages, images, and vicious hateful lies that we as American women of African descent are consistently bombarded with; we must embrace this truth:
Africa is the cradle of civilization. African women are the mothers of humanity. Our strength, determination, unique unparalleled beauty, and resilience is expressed fully and symbolized by our DNA coiled hair.
It is for this reason that the powers that be are tenaciously and unyieldingly assaulting, denigrating, degrading, and destroying the images and humanity of American women and girls of African descent worldwide.
Know the truth and it shall make you free my sisters. Love, accept, and respect yourselves and claim your power in the process.
Sisters, powerfully, knowing what and who you are dealing with is the difference between freedom and oppression. When you under estimate your opponent you only disadvantage yourself. Likewise, when your opponent under estimates you, they disadvantage themselves. Read the following and ask yourself if it sounds like anyone you know? Individual people? Collective groups of people?
Profile of the Sociopath
This website summarizes some of the common features of descriptions of the behavior of sociopaths.
Other Related Qualities:
(The above traits are based on the psychopathy checklists of H. Cleckley and R. Hare.)
NOTE: In the 1830's this disorder was called "moral insanity." By 1900 it was changed to "psychopathic personality." More recently it has been termed "antisocial personality disorder" in the DSM-III and DSM-IV. Some critics have complained that, in the attempt to rely only on 'objective' criteria, the DSM has broadened the concept to include too many individuals. The APD category includes people who commit illegal, immoral or self-serving acts for a variety of reasons and are not necessarily psychopaths.
THE MALIGNANT PERSONALITY:
These people are mentally ill and extremely dangerous! The following precautions will help to protect you from the destructive acts of which they are capable.
First, to recognize them, keep the following guidelines in mind.
(1) They are habitual liars. They seem incapable of either knowing or telling the truth about anything.
(2) They are egotistical to the point of narcissism. They really believe they are set apart from the rest of humanity by some special grace.
(3) They scapegoat; they are incapable of either having the insight or willingness to accept responsibility for anything they do. Whatever the problem, it is always someone else's fault.
(4) They are remorselessly vindictive when thwarted or exposed.
(5) Genuine religious, moral, or other values play no part in their lives. They have no empathy for others and are capable of violence. Under older psychological terminology, they fall into the category of psychopath or sociopath, but unlike the typical psychopath, their behavior is masked by a superficial social facade.
Sisters, I did not make this up. I am simply sharing it. Truth is not told, it is realized. Realize for yourselves the truth that our strength is in our differences. We need each other! We have and are everything we need to make the transformation. The world-our children; need the understanding, courageous, wise, faithful, loving (for self first and then others), healthy, powerful, strong, accepting (for self first and then others) focused, purposeful, self-determined, self-defined, respectful (for self first and then others) glorious, bountifully blessed us. Look around-all over the world- the message is loud and clear…
SELF LOVE~SELF ACCEPTANCE~SELF RESPECT
It has been awhile since I have posted; for a host of reasons. My silence has been mainly, because I have felt more compelled to listen, rather than speak. My voice has been lifted to thank those who have blessed me with encouragement, inspiration, wisdom and a different perspective. To you all, I say thank you again. I pray that in time I will be all to you, and others, that you have been to me. I love, respect, and honor you all. In my listening I have learned. I have been able to challenge my natural inclination to see things a certain way. Recently, I have questioned myself and reflected on whether my views are idealistic, naïve, and focused in areas that will only lead to disillusionment, disappointment, and ultimately loss of joy. No really, I am not just being dramatic. Granted, I do have the tendency to be just that, I can freely admit. Nevertheless, these possibilities have dominated my thoughts. As a part of the New Year, I have a habit of reflecting and goal setting- not that they always stick- it is my ritual all the same. It is my practice to evaluate my direction as well as examine my relationships-business, personal, and spiritual. In doing so this year, I realized that I have been consistently nurturing relationships that are one-sided at best. Not only have I been doing this, I realize that I have indulged these relationships for years. Coming out of 2007, I am happy to report that I have been able to get my love and professional life on track. Whew!!! Let me rest in that major victory for a moment. It thrills me to report this! It has truly been a long time coming. I am so thankful. As I turn my attention to my other relationships, I realize that there are areas that require my attention and a different approach. I have people in my life that suffer from such chronic self loathing and the side effects that accompany the condition; that my continued love of them drains me. I find myself exhausted from listening, teaching, loving and straining to be patient. I will freely admit that I am not, naturally, the most patient person ever created; I find patience to be an excruciating discipline-like dieting and exercisingJ! I have a refrigerator magnet that pretty much sums it up- “Grant Me Patience Lord- But Hurry”. Compounding my fatigue with frustration is the realization that when it comes down to it, I find myself alone to deal with whatever my struggles may be. It is me and Jesus. Thank God we constitute a majority! These same friends are nowhere to be found when I need them. I have other people in my life that have appointed themselves to “reminder” positions much to my utter annoyance. They remind me of who I used to be consistently. Ladies, if we are the same at thirty-five that we were at twenty-five, we are suffering from stunted growth. Don’t let it happen to you. I am learning to manage my reminders. In frustration, I have wanted to shut them all out and start over. Yes, it’s like that ya’ll sometimes. But then I shake it off and consider the following: a) If I can’t walk in patience and love with my friends, then why on earth should strangers hear me? How will I ever endure? b) Those people in my life that really mean well and are doing the best that they know to do at this point can serve as training ops for me. Sounds weird, I know. However, as I have delved into public speaking recently, I have found there is always one child of God that will zap all of your patience in a few misguided sentences. Therefore I have decided that some of my loved ones will be my trainers and conditioners for just such occasions. How is that for turning lemons to lemonade? c) As I look around me I know this much for sure. I am needed. I cannot get frustrated and give up. There are too many living their lives only for their pleasure without concern for those that have gone before us and are coming after us. Should I and other like-spirited people like me do the same--- our ancestors and descendents would weep. I don’t know about anybody else, but I can’t go out like that! This life is not for the faint of heart. d) I have decided to budget my energy. I will not give until I am drained and depleted. Instead I will point that person in the direction of great sources of energy, joy, peace, and wisdom for me and urge them to pray for inspiration and enlightenment as to what would be most helpful to them. Okay, that is my plan for now. How does it sound? I welcome your comments and feedback. SELF LOVE~SELF ACCEPTANCE~SELF RESPECT
It has been awhile since I have posted; for a host of reasons.
My silence has been mainly, because I have felt more compelled to listen, rather than speak. My voice has been lifted to thank those who have blessed me with encouragement, inspiration, wisdom and a different perspective. To you all, I say thank you again. I pray that in time I will be all to you, and others, that you have been to me. I love, respect, and honor you all.
In my listening I have learned. I have been able to challenge my natural inclination to see things a certain way. Recently, I have questioned myself and reflected on whether my views are idealistic, naïve, and focused in areas that will only lead to disillusionment, disappointment, and ultimately loss of joy. No really, I am not just being dramatic. Granted, I do have the tendency to be just that, I can freely admit. Nevertheless, these possibilities have dominated my thoughts.
As a part of the New Year, I have a habit of reflecting and goal setting- not that they always stick- it is my ritual all the same. It is my practice to evaluate my direction as well as examine my relationships-business, personal, and spiritual. In doing so this year, I realized that I have been consistently nurturing relationships that are one-sided at best. Not only have I been doing this, I realize that I have indulged these relationships for years.
Coming out of 2007, I am happy to report that I have been able to get my love and professional life on track. Whew!!! Let me rest in that major victory for a moment. It thrills me to report this! It has truly been a long time coming. I am so thankful.
As I turn my attention to my other relationships, I realize that there are areas that require my attention and a different approach. I have people in my life that suffer from such chronic self loathing and the side effects that accompany the condition; that my continued love of them drains me. I find myself exhausted from listening, teaching, loving and straining to be patient. I will freely admit that I am not, naturally, the most patient person ever created; I find patience to be an excruciating discipline-like dieting and exercisingJ! I have a refrigerator magnet that pretty much sums it up- “Grant Me Patience Lord- But Hurry”. Compounding my fatigue with frustration is the realization that when it comes down to it, I find myself alone to deal with whatever my struggles may be. It is me and Jesus. Thank God we constitute a majority! These same friends are nowhere to be found when I need them. I have other people in my life that have appointed themselves to “reminder” positions much to my utter annoyance. They remind me of who I used to be consistently. Ladies, if we are the same at thirty-five that we were at twenty-five, we are suffering from stunted growth. Don’t let it happen to you. I am learning to manage my reminders.
In frustration, I have wanted to shut them all out and start over. Yes, it’s like that ya’ll sometimes. But then I shake it off and consider the following:
a) If I can’t walk in patience and love with my friends, then why on earth should strangers hear me? How will I ever endure?
b) Those people in my life that really mean well and are doing the best that they know to do at this point can serve as training ops for me. Sounds weird, I know. However, as I have delved into public speaking recently, I have found there is always one child of God that will zap all of your patience in a few misguided sentences. Therefore I have decided that some of my loved ones will be my trainers and conditioners for just such occasions. How is that for turning lemons to lemonade?
c) As I look around me I know this much for sure. I am needed. I cannot get frustrated and give up. There are too many living their lives only for their pleasure without concern for those that have gone before us and are coming after us. Should I and other like-spirited people like me do the same--- our ancestors and descendents would weep. I don’t know about anybody else, but I can’t go out like that! This life is not for the faint of heart.
d) I have decided to budget my energy. I will not give until I am drained and depleted. Instead I will point that person in the direction of great sources of energy, joy, peace, and wisdom for me and urge them to pray for inspiration and enlightenment as to what would be most helpful to them.
Okay, that is my plan for now. How does it sound? I welcome your comments and feedback.
SELF LOVE~SELF ACCEPTANCE~SELF RESPECT
Dear Dr. King,
It’s been forty years since you were here. I would be greatly interested to know what you would make of the current sad state of affairs. I often wonder this about all my esteemed ancestors that blazed trails for me.
With much love, consideration and appreciation for you and your great sacrifices, I regret to inform you that your dream has become the “burning building” nightmare you feared shortly before you departed. Forgive my tendency to not mince words; however, I would most certainly like to be clear, with all due respect.
Let me start by saying, I never had the chance to resist and protest with you. This fact has been charged against me and my account several times in the last few days. I have been dismissed and informed that I am too young to have a valid opinion. Nevertheless, I am not offended, because truth be told- I don’t know that I would have marched quietly unarmed into harm’s way with you. No, in fact, I am sure that would not have worked for me. The soldier in me would not have been able to withstand the natural human response to defend myself against evil white supremacist sociopathic misguided souls. No, while I do share your Christian faith and beliefs; my understanding more resembles our white Christian brothers’ and sisters’ interpretation in some areas. I said resemble in that, unlike them, I don’t believe in being the aggressor in violent circumstances, however, I do strongly believe in self preservation and self defense. When Scriptures indicate that I should fight the good fight, I take it literally, when my opponent makes our opposition physical. Maybe I need more prayer? I will ask for forgiveness for my stance; I like to cover all bases, however it is my firm position. Furthermore, I think it less than honest to omit the fact that Pre-Mecca Malcolm X spoke in a way that I could better hear, understand and agree. I digress, please forgive me, I will make every effort to stay on point…
As I was saying it has been forty years. I attended a ceremony to celebrate your life, courage, and bravery yesterday. My purpose in attending was to honor you, your spirit of resistance and your efforts to protest white supremacy for which you paid with your life. I wanted to insure that I did my part to be sure that you did not die in vain. Dr. King, in honor of you and those of my ancestors with resistant to oppression spirits- I have committed my life to truth, love, wisdom and living with focused purpose. I honor all of my ancestors, those that I know and those that I don’t. I feel my ancestors’ presence day to day in my journey and seek to bring them no shame. I know that they paid dearly to afford me the considerable freedom I have today. I never take it for granted. I am ever conscious of the fact that we are one hundred forty years removed from physical enslavement and oppression. We are forty years removed from legislated second class citizenship, overt white supremacy and racism.
My generation now must wrestle with economic enslavement and the damaging nuances of covert white supremacy and racism. Looking at your journey, we are exactly where you left off; desperately needing to unite the country’s poor and disenfranchised. The fear and opposition to such action is just as intense and murderous as it were in your time. However, unlike when you were here, we Black folks now have to rescue ourselves from a warped, perverted version of “colorblindness”. Your dream has been misinterpreted to mean that we didn’t want our color to be seen or noticed. Of course, the penal, economic, and political systems did not get that memo and the color caste oppression system is still in full effect. Americans of African descent just can’t see each other, now. Our communities are in shambles as a result. Most of us don’t have any emotional connection to those that reflect back to us our images or to their suffering. I am truly sorry to report that fact, it must truly make you sad. I know it makes me sad that these same calloused Black folks act as if their success is based on their personal merit. I strongly suspect that when they are quiet and still they know this to be a lie. I have reached the conclusion that they have simply decided that selfishness and greed is more important than the truth; shame on them.
Dr. King it saddens me to report that we now work diligently to make others rich, sell out our dignity, value and respect for a shot at more things than we need or can possibly consume and the “American dream”. Oh, yes, the American dream has been re-vamped as well. The American dream now is to be white and/or white-like. In my journey I have personally met Jews, Asians, Hispanics, Persians, etc. that will become enraged if you challenge their assertion that they are “white”. When I was younger, I used to try to debate the topic, as I grow wiser I am content to assure them; this is America and you can be what you want to be. Our professionals, entrepreneurs, and educators for the most part devote their time, practice, and expertise to non-African American communities. As we aspire to all things white, we disrespect, hate, and reject ourselves for the whole world to witness. Of course, the most money for the spectacle is still made by Jewish and authentic white Americans. We still pay the Black Tax and have not made gains in the elimination of the white supremacist practice. Most of us will only truly exercise our right to free speech, when we are disrespecting, degrading and denigrating ourselves. In addition to that, we have new millennium Jim Crow rules of etiquette. We must never make the descendents of enslavers uncomfortable with the mentioning of their transgressions, the truth of our histories, or the continued entitlement and white skin privileges they enjoy in their presence. These rules reign, for the most part, no matter how close we profess to be to them or them to us. This widely observed unspoken rule prevents us from healing and moving forward; that and the absolute steadfast refusal to teach real American history in all public and private schools and universities; as well as make it a pre-requisite for all in order to claim to be “educated”.
We are intermarrying in record numbers these days, yet not any closer to solutions to race relations. We are diverse, with most colors represented most days, yet no closer to living as peaceful, respectful, free human beings. Of course there has always been the procreation between the enslaved and the enslavers. I am thankful to say that the forced procreation of days of old has been drastically reduced. Before you get too excited, know that the rape of American women of African descent is still virtually impossible to prove. It is still widely regarded as a figment of our imaginations. This, despite us making up a small percentage of the US population, yet still representing a disproportionate percentage of survivors of sexual assault. It saddens me to report that still fourteen year old Black girls today don’t fare any better than fourteen year old Sally Hemings of yesteryear. Only now, the alleged pedophile doesn’t resemble Jefferson, as that would cause an uproar, instead he looks more like you so he gets a pass. Did I say that white supremacy was still in full effect, topped with a healthy dollop of self loathing?
White supremacy, I said those words in my personal tribute to clarify your resistance, civil disobedience, and peaceful protest yesterday at your celebration. You would think the dream had been accomplished if you looked around the room and judged it based only on the diversity of skin color in attendance. There were African Americans, Hispanics, Asians, Jews, Indians (Indians from India- not the indigenous people of this land-the government is still refusing to honor their word and treaties with these persecuted people; gambling is making them rich and white Americans think this is “unfair” and it would only be “fair” to take great portions of their newly acquired riches as if white Americans hadn’t taken and profited enough from the exploitation of these people), and European Americans. Yet, when I did not comply with the unspoken new millennium Jim Crow rules of etiquette and dared to say that you and the freedom fighters of that era and today are resisting white supremacy and injustices born of white supremacy-the room went into an uproar. Yes, the room went into an uproar over the words “white supremacy” despite our country presently being at war or odds with pretty much every nation of color in the world. We have literally run out of soldiers. We could have two (2) more if we would go and snatch the President’s daughters out of the nearest bar and put them on the front lines. In retrospect, I wish I had said “world white supremacy” or “new world white supremacy order”. Ok, maybe not, it got pretty heated in there and I was unarmed. I know, I know Dr. King, but I told you, I believe in self defense. I think you would be proud that your efforts afforded those of us that have chosen to walk a conscious journey; the platform to walk, speak, and share the truth.
Dr. King, I said initially that it is as you have feared- we have been integrated into a burning house. Don’t be too sad. I share these facts in the hopes that you can appreciate this irony- the house is ablaze! I stand in a place in time when I can see clearly the descendents of enslavers operate in total confusion, anger, and fear. In the face of their collective corruption, greed, and wickedness toward mankind world-wide, the majority has stood silent. They have stood silent for so long in the face of world white supremacy, they too, now are threatened with and must confront injustice. We are headed rapidly into a time of white Americans experiencing a total violation of the Constitution as it relates to their white rights. Only the Americans of African descent have the basic boot camp training and centuries of experience to confront and operate around such violations. We are rapidly headed into a time when white Americans will have to experience the effect of living in a military state and country. Only the Americans of African descent have the basic boot camp training and centuries of experience to deal with such treatment. We Blacks and people of color are accustomed to and it is well documented that the military, police, National Guard, judicial system, CIA, FBI, the federal, and state governments have all worked together to deprive the community of color our Constitutional Rights and even our lives when we seek to resist the injustice of it all. In the form of the Patriot Act, white Americans have in many ways joined the ranks of Americans of African descent and nations of color world-wide. We have always been treated like subhuman criminals and suspects. Guess what Dr. King? Our white brothers and sisters don’t like it one bit and are the most ill prepared for the challenge as a result of their white skin privileges. You should hear them cry and complain at the “injustice of it all”. If it were not all so predictably pathetic, I would laugh.
Dr. King, you said it best, “injustice anywhere is a threat to justice everywhere.” I think those cowardly souls that knew crimes against humanity were being perpetrated and cried nonetheless, “Wait! Change is going to take some time,” have waited too long…
… I am thankful for your efforts and sacrifices anyways. I love you and pray your rest is peaceful. I am sure you’ve heard it since you departed, yet it stands repeating… job well done.
SELF LOVE~SELF ACCEPTANCE~SELF RESPECT
It feels good to be back. It has been quite a few days since my last blog. I happened to have a virus in my laptop. It took a little longer than I expected to get it repaired; I am not complaining as I understand that everyone is busy and doing the best they know how to do. Thanks Art! He does great work if anyone needs computer work or services, I will happily refer him.
Lately, I have spent a great deal of time reading, as I feel sometimes like I am on image sensory overload. I have to tune out in order to save myself. Most recently, my image consumption has been relegated to movies and documentaries. I have been unsuccessful in my effort to get through some of the movies. The stereotypes and negative imaging have been so hard to overlook. It saddens me to say that some of the productions I tried to view were vehicles to which Americans of African descent were paid handsomely to attach their names and faces. I can feed myself the excuses. They go something like this…
…“we have to eat.” “we don’t have the power to change things.” “it is just the way it is.” And on and on and on go the excuses. The bottom line is we have decided that we don’t have power and ultimately the responsibility to look out for our best interest as a people. It seems to me protecting our images would be very important. We went from peaceful citizens seeking equal rights to criminal, racial slur and expletive hurling, woman and self disrespecting people in the eyes and minds of the world community. I am not angry, just conscious that we are presently collectively as a people a total mess; moving rapidly in the wrong direction. The objective should be to move forward and up. We are moving backwards and down. When one considers that we are now and have always been the identifiable bottom in this country, lowering the bottom is not a condition any of us can afford to relax through. So please don’t talk to me about how well educated and successful materially, a few of us are. Please. When have we ever been judged by our success stories? Furthermore, what has that to do with the masses?
When was it decided that it was to be open season of disrespect of American women of African descent? Why are prominent and popular American men of African descent so willingly lending their faces, names, and images to the assault? So I understand that the enslavers and their descendents rarely bother to see us as more than sex, buttocks, and breasts. When did the brothers decide to agree? Brothers, can you find the self respect to stand in opposition to these images and negative depictions of your women; understanding that when others seek to disrespect you they go after your mothers, wives, sisters, and daughters? Or are you powerless to stand? Would you rather “just live your lives” and marry (when you bother to marry at all) as many White, Hispanic, Asian, and other women as you can and leave us to fend for ourselves as usual? Do you “hate the ladies that make the babies”? I quote Tupac with whom I had quite the abusive relationship through his music, before I introduced a consistency standard and quit him altogether. He was encouraging me to keep my head up and that things would get better in one song; while calling me a bitch and a ho in another. I am not angry, I just need the conscious men who refuse to sell out their dignity, self-respect, and people to stand out, speak out, act out, and come out from among our oppressors. Our survival is not contingent upon their acceptance of us. Our survival is contingent upon us loving, accepting, and respecting ourselves. Success is not how close we can be to our oppressors. We were closer than ever during slavery. Come out, look for yourself black men and see that your conscious women will allow you to lead and will follow you. We want to follow you. We just want to go in the right direction and be treated considerably and respectfully in the process.
It is a wicked white supremacist lie that informs us that we black women don’t need our men. It is a variation of that same lie that indicated we are subhuman and willing to have sex with anyone/everyone and cannot be raped as a result. I can’t stress that enough. Especially in a time when we are objectified and exploited sexually, routinely, as if we have been returned to the public auction block. Only now the auction block is the world-wide reaching media. I echo the words of Sojourner Truth, “ain’t I a woman, too?” I am not angry, just conscious that all around me there is a resounding NO! in response to my question. As such, my posture most days belies my presence in an extremely dehumanizing hostile environment. Calling me or treating me like a bitch or a ho has made it to normal status; so much so that most young and mature women don’t know the difference between a compliment and blatant disrespect. God knows you won’t be able to recognize the difference if you expect to learn it from television or movies. Explaining to my son that a white kid calling him “my nigga” is NOT the white kid trying to be “cool”, and that no my son should not “relax”, and yes he should address, correct and educate as to why it is an unacceptable practice; in the interest of self respect. I am teaching him now that life is not a popularity contest, nor is it for the faint of heart. I am challenging him now at fifteen, to decide to be a part of the solution. This is what I deal with these days; despite so many courageously shedding blood and dying so those prominent aforementioned enslaved descendent men can show their appreciation by putting the word back into the mouths of mainstream America. This is the extreme disrespect that we have allowed on our watch of our ancestors, selves, and children so a very few buckdancing, bootlicking, self-loathing race traitors can make a lot of money. Yet one asks me why I am angry? When we treat out race traitors like royalty-to be admired and emulated- rather than with the swift severity befitting them. Like I said, I’m not angry, just conscious...thanks. How are you? What are you, conscious or no? What are you up to in your journey?
Where are the Farrakhans, Khallid Muhammads, Marcus Garveys, Paul Robesons and Ernie Chambers? Where are the Shirley Chisholms, Ida B Wells-Barnetts, Harriet Tubmans, Sojourner Truths, and Fannie Lou Hamers? Have we produced no more black men and women that will look our lying enemies in the eyes and call the truth what it is? Black men and women that can command respect, demand and create change? What happened to the million or two million men that marched to Washington with Farrakhan? Why are you so quiet and invisible now? Have we “educated” away everyone’s testicular fortitude to speak the truth, in love, and let the chips fall where they may? Now that everyone has that “good job” is everyone afraid? Of what? Dying and suffering? People, death is a part of the life cycle; so embrace it and empower yourself to live more abundantly. Somewhere I read that one’s quality of life is directly proportionate to what they are willing to risk. I believe one can have it all when they are willing to risk it all. Considering the fact that everything you possess and do on this earth is temporal, what’s the deal? Or would you rather be a well-paid Judas in relation to our race and our ability to rise out of oppression? Is it really all about the Benjamins?
Sisters-the real deal is this: NO ONE CAN DISRESPECT US UNLESS WE ALLOW THEM. It really shouldn’t matter where you are, who you are with, or what is going on- disrespect is NEVER acceptable. We have got to stop training ourselves to miss the point. Listening to hip hop “just for the beat” and disregarding the lyrics is just that-training oneself to miss the point. Reserve the right to register your disdain by refusing to pay into the problem. The love of money is the root of all evil. We have the economic ability to shut down a lot of the disrespect that is heaped on our heads, regularly. We are just not utilizing our economic power to effect change. Don’t support, financially nor emotionally people and institutions that don’t support/respect you. Reject the guilt that everyone wants to serve you, in quadruple portions, when you need to withdraw support from someone that looks black; yet acts like a Klansman in relation to you. There are a lot of these brothers running around today. (Brothers, I am not male bashing and you all know it is true- hold yourselves and brothers accountable to act honorably and respectfully; create an attitude of disdain and disgrace for those that refuse and I will happily close my mouth on the topic as it will be a non-issue. Need I say that it would be in your best interest to do so? Again, we are not judged by our success stories) Sisters, I strongly suggest you not take it personally, understanding that hating and disrespecting us is simply a by-product and expression of their self hatred. That fact notwithstanding, we shouldn’t nurture abusive relationships-physically, emotionally, or economically in the interest of self love, acceptance, and respect.
I have this thing about quotes, in case you haven’t noticed by now. I love little nuggets of wisdom that intrigue me, raise my consciousness and help me to realize the truth. The more I seek out these little pearls, the more I grow. Additionally, someone has already said something to address every pertinent issue of today. It has truly all been done before; more about that in a moment. (It is funny; I have so much to say that I can’t seem to type fast enoughJ my thoughts are all over the place-I will reel them in, promise!) As it relates to quotes and irresponsible depictions of our people in movies and other forms of media, one of my favorite quotes that I think taps the nail on the head is by Paul Robeson who said this, “The artist must elect to fight for freedom or slavery.” If you are aiding in the depictions of us as pimps, prostitutes, ignorant, lazy, criminal, etc. well I understand what you have chosen. We should all be mindful of the fact, however, that both conscious and unconscious choices are choices nonetheless and we are responsible for them.
It occurred to me that I had heard it again and again, growing up. Everyone wanted to go to college so that they could “get a good job”. Congratulations! We have been successful. Some of us have good jobs and most of us are totally dependent on others economically as a result. We cower and are afraid to offend even if we are being offended. I am just as guilty. I have done it and am now done with that oppression. I have decided to free myself. I urge everyone to stop waiting for external permission. I think at this point that it would be a great idea for us to reevaluate, re-group, and change directions. We are headed in the wrong direction people. While there is no shame in finding oneself going in the wrong direction; I think it a crying shame to continue to go in the wrong direction once you know it is wrong.
Along those same lines we have to support black owned businesses. ALL businesses fall short of the mark at times. We continue to patronize them. In fact, we have devoted our time and expertise to benefiting these enterprises. It is negligent to not support black owned businesses. This practice is how we have no economic power or clout. Volunteer and lend your time and skills to a small business that needs it in the black community. Check out www.rbdusa.com. Recycling Black Dollars has a listing of black owned businesses. You don’t even have to guess. NO MORE EXCUSES, THE TIME IS NOW! Consciously choose to seek out those that look like you to give your money to-emulate that behavior. ALL other nations do it. We refuse, regurgitate the lies about Black businesses, hate ourselves, and continue to move backwards as a result. At the very least, if you have chosen not to live in a black neighborhood, you should volunteer in one, I believe. We have quite a bit of ground to cover. We have not been as focused and diligent as others.
I am tuned in to the fact that whenever and wherever there is black enterprise; it seems like we can’t wait to sell out. Selling out to large corporations is what we seem to dream of. Which leaves us with nothing; we can’t control our images, our direction, our livelihoods, destinies, nothing. Ossie Davis said so wisely, “He, who controls the image, controls the man”. With this in mind are we happier enslaved than free? It seems to be the case. Consider if others will pay you forty million ($40,000,000.00) for something how much must it really be worth? Don’t we want to own anything? What if we devoted our energies to this, rather than trying to make European-Americans accept us? I think they have been abundantly clear in the last several hundred years that they have no such intention. Not to mention that it is backwards to even want their acceptance. They should really hope that we will accept them, considering their long rich consistent exploitive history and present behavior. But then again, in reading I have come across their written musings that the nigger, nigra, colored, negro, afro-american, black, African-American is really a docile, childlike, forgiving of all atrocities, stupid creature. In their minds we require enslavement and white control as we are perpetual boys and girls despite chronological years. I reject that notion, what about you? I am not angry, just a little on edge because our words and behavior are grossly and consistently incongruent.
So, I have given up for the time being on movies, until we screen the latest offerings for the Pan African Film and Arts Festival. This happens February 7 thru the 18th in Los Angeles. Check out www.paff.org if you will be in Los Angeles and are interested to see real, positive depictions of yourself. In the interim, I have turned my attention to documentaries. Truth is better than fiction, folks. History is better than a delectable meal. My new favorite documentaries are “Chisholm ’72 Unbought and Unbossed”. If you have not seen this documentary, I suggest you do. You will then have a pretty good idea of how the present presidential election may turn out. Whether Obama is elected or not, as we are a country steeped in “tradition” and “traditional practices” or white supremacy (pick the terms that you can digest) when you see how Mrs. Chisholm’s male counterparts behaved, you will have a better understanding of what it feels like to be a black woman in this nation right now. After viewing her documentary I had the distinct impression that she would have done well to have called it “Unbought, Unbossed, Unappreciated, Unprotected and Unsupported. I have really enjoyed as well, “Journey in Black-Louis Farrakhan”, “A Time for Burning”, and “Unforgivable Blackness -The Rise and Fall of Jack Johnson”. All of these documentaries are available for your viewing pleasure at your local library. How is that for educational, entertaining, and economical? Check them out. You know, I am really not angryJ, just conscious that we are not honoring and respecting ourselves, our ancestors, and race. I respectfully submit to all, you would not ask me why I am angry if you were the least bit conscious. Let’s roll up our sleeves and go to work for ourselves. It is up to us! We are worth it!
SELF LOVE~SELF ACCEPTANCE~SELF RESPECT
“She has the heart of a whore.”
That statement has been stuck in my craw for awhile now. In all honesty, it has robbed me of peace and sleep, at times. As a matter of fact, until I can apply logic, empathy and feel compassion for the person that made the comment, I have ceased communication with them for now; in the interest of agreeing to disagree and respecting other people’s beliefs and opinions.
This statement was made in reference to the then fourteen (14) year old American girl of African descent that appeared in the video with the male alleged to be Robert Sylvester Kelly, then thirty-four (34).
Had this comment been made by a kkklansman it would have offended me less. I expect idiocy from white supremacist idiots. If this statement was made by anyone other than one who began their journey as an American girl of African descent, it would not have impacted me the same way. The statement rendered me ill. If this is how American women of African descent feel about the molestation of our girls, is it any wonder that no one else cares?
For those of you that are not informed as to the specifics of this case- here they are:
2002- 21 counts of sexual intercourse with a minor; later reduced to 14 counts of child pornography against Robert Sylvester Kelly. In addition to those counts in Illinois, Kelly escaped 12 additional counts in Florida of possession of child pornography. Those counts were thrown out due to the illegal search that resulted in the collection of evidence (an alleged digital camera with 12 pictures of a nude underage girl, 3 showing Kelly and her engaged in sexual intercourse). Kelly has a well recorded proclivity for sexual activity with underage girls; a record that goes back as far as ’91.
’94- Allegation that Kelly married fellow singer, Alex Shipton. Both denied the claim.
’95- Alleged marriage to 15 year old Aaliyah. Both denied the claim. Proven marriage annulled after Vibe magazine published a copy of their marriage license.
Additionally, Kelly has settled two (2) other suits by underage girls. And yet another woman sued him claiming he seduced her at age 16, got her pregnant, and forced her to have an abortion. Yet, we afford him the benefit of the doubt?
Those that know me will attest to the fact that I am always looking for a way to support American men of African descent. However, as I have stated before, I have an aversion to injustice. I understand fully that American men of African descent are under fire and suffer from racist practices and laws, routinely. In fact, I would go so far as to say it is the American way and favorite past time- vilifying, criminalizing, and reducing our men to mindless sexual beasts to be hunted and caged in alarming numbers. Changing these facts and this reality is crucial to me. I am the mother of a man-child that will fight against this same plight if I don’t do my part to challenge and change the system.
Having meant and said that, let us turn our attention to this- racism is not just suffered by our males. No one gives American females of African descent any passes on racism because we are busy dealing with sexism. NO ONE. The facts are quite the contrary.
Lynching was not just reserved for our males. Oppression has not been reserved just for our males. Suffering has not been reserved just for our males. Racist depictions as mindless sexual beasts have not been reserved just for the males; in fact we could not be raped in 1897 and we could not be raped in 2007 either. There are many acquittals and thrown out cases that bear witness to these facts. We are still accused of lying and vivid imaginations whenever we find the courage to file the reports and press the charges. America’s perverted laws don’t treat us like our white counterparts either, who need great protection from the sun and everything under it; as evidenced by the handling of this tape, which allegedly (I don’t support child pornography, as such have not and will not view the tape) shows Kelly having sex with an underage girl. This child pornography will be publicly shown in court as evidence during the trial. I had to sit with that fact for a minute. WTH?!?!
As one with a keen interest in the farce known as the American Justice system (there is also a program that chronicles the unequal application of the law also called “American Justice”) I can tell you that grown consenting women have been afforded greater respect, dignity and discretion. Fourteen (14) is not an age of consent for anything in this country, please remember. There is a reason for that, can anyone say young, impressionable, lacking in good sound judgment?
There was one case in which a white woman allowed herself to be photographed with well over thirty (30) sex partners. These pictures were discreetly circulated among the jurors during her case. They were not shown in open court to all spectators. Mind you, she was an adult and the pictures were taken with her consent as a part of her swinging lifestyle. Oh by the way, did I mention that she was charged with and subsequently convicted of murder? Despite it all, she was treated with the dignity of a human being while due process ran its peculiar course.
I anticipate the “where were her parents?” question. I don’t know, but if you look at who is the mother and the father in most instances in our community- I would surmise that dad split quick (a tendency that is a by-product of slavery somewhere I read, not total irresponsibility and poor choices on his part) and mom was at work. We must get back to basics, it takes a village to raise a child; at the very least mom and dad have to pitch in and do the work. It is a lie that we black women and children don’t need our men; don’t believe it- in fact REJECT IT and all lies reserved for us. Our health and well-being mandates this course of action. Sisters, think about it, if we were intended to do it all alone- we could do it all alone.
Children, male and female, all colors, will allow you to take advantage of them. It is our responsibility as adults to insure that our children are protected from such abuse. When we fail them, we mustn’t reserve the right to blame them as well.
Interesting and infuriatingly enough, even when our male children get into the most grown up trouble, we don’t forget they are children. Sexist practices and double standards that benefit no one allow us to hold female children responsible while absolving grown men of their responsibilities.
The woman I was speaking with indicated that she did not want to see “another black man go to jail behind that slut”. She was serious, too. I can’t think of a better reason for a black man to go to jail.
My point is this; American men and women of African descent have both suffered and continue to suffer tremendously in this nation. I am not interested in sacrificing myself or silently allowing other women and girls to be sacrificed so that our men will not sustain additional negative scrutiny; particularly when they have richly earned negative scrutiny and consequences by their behavior. I hate injustice.
In light of our history, and the sexual horrors and atrocities we have sustained and continue to endure at the hands of white and black men; standing against ANYONE that does not treat us respectfully is the only acceptable behavior. Black skin does not afford you impunity, even if you are suffering racism. We all are in black skin and suffering racism.
You know, all of this would be a moot subject if the child in the video had been a little white girl. The handling of the tape in court would be different. In fact, Kelly could have been a year or two older than she and he would have received that constitutional right to a speedy trial, even if he did not want it- as he seems not to want it now-apparently vindicating himself of despicable charges of child pornography have not been sufficient to warrant his pressing for his rights to a speedy trial to date. Despite knowing full well that he has money aplenty to purchase the commodity of so-called justice- everything is for sale in America.
Had the child in that video been a little black boy, sold out concerts would be a non-issue. As a community, Americans of African descent are famously homophobic and sexist; therefore, Kelly’s alleged transgression would be seen immediately as disgusting and wrong. I submit to you that no one would have ever reached the conclusion that the man-child victim had the “heart of a whore”.
SELF LOVE~SELF ACCEPTANCE~SELF RESPECT
American women of African descent- we have to save ourselves. We have to establish our own organizations that will protect our interests. It is no accident that no other group of women has been singled out and subjected to non-stop ridicule, degradation, denigration, and sexual exploitation; both historically and presently.
Everyone has decided that we are to be assaulted, verbally and physically. I listen to all types of music. I have to say that I have not heard other men treat their women and themselves by extension with such utter disrespect and at times hatred. Yes, other nations have a healthy dose of sexism built into their practices. However, we happily participate in this whole other extremely sick thing against ourselves, and rationalize it.
In the interest of responsibility and accountability, if you don’t stand against it and work to change it-you silently condone it!
I am ever searching for other like-minded people. In the absence of their voices I feel like I exist in a vacuum; which can be mind numbingly tiresome and quite depressing. I found an amazing website that has a lot of different voices together, www.tributetoblackwomen.com or www.tributetoblackwomen.com/blogs. Check it out. Let’s become inspired to do something to help save ourselves.
Ladies, if help was coming, it would have come by now. If the powers that be were going to stop, they would have stopped by now. It is up to us to indicate that we have had enough and make it stop. Now. Think about it. Act on it.
SELF LOVE~SELF ACCEPTANCE~SELF RESPECT
I have said thanks to my blog mentor. However, I have neglected to say thanks to the one who has shown me the greatest love that I have ever felt or known here on earth from a man.
He loves me in a way that allows me to see the big picture.
He leads me in a way that it is my honor to follow him. (Despite my being a strong willed and minded sister)
He loves me on my good days and on my not so good ones.
On my not so good days, he doesn’t push me away, which is a big thing to me, having been pushed far away and relegated to the back burner in the past.
He loves me in words and in deeds at all times, giving me the freedom to trust him-implicitly.
When things become trying or downright scary- he stands with me.
He believes in me.
It was he that encouraged me to finish editing and post my first blog. Truthfully, I would still be editing and contemplating posting were it not for his loving, firm deadline of that evening.
I love him and thank him for restoring my faith in men; particularly Black men.
The way we met was unusual.
I had resigned myself to be with myself. I challenged myself to allow that to be enough. I was making love to mashed potatoes, vodka, macaroni & cheese, and tequila regularly, to feel the comfort that eluded me; as I reeled emotionally from a relationship that I allowed to ravage me for way too long. My body was nice and round as a result at the time.
So, I was talking to someone about something that I have long since forgotten, when they asked if I knew him. Looking to see who she meant, there he was, standing so close to me that we were practically touching.
I admit I was somewhat over love. Ok, a lot over love, at the time. Especially over men that are easy on the eyes. They seem to feel entitled to send you through a multitude of changes. So, we exchanged our greetings and I left him having decided to forget about him.
He was persistent, and I am glad.
He has changed my life. He has worked out with me, lovingly encouraging me as I run, lift, sweat, and lose weight. He has afforded me the love, comfort, support, and encouragement to lift my voice and follow my passions.
I thank him for having the strength and the courage to love me. I love him more than these words can convey. He is my King.
Thank you J.
SELF LOVE~SELF ACCEPTANCE~SELF RESPECT